The Doc is In; He Does It For Free edition

Bidwell
Bidwell

Leeky Forums's resident medfag here in a brand new thread to answer all of your medical questions.

Take advantage of my free professional advice today!

24/7 correspondence now available! Just shoot off an email to [email protected]

TurtleCat
TurtleCat

My faggot friend likes to fuck sheep. Would you recommend electro-shock therapy? If so, what kind of tazer would you recommend and how often should I use it on his fairy ass?

StonedTime
StonedTime

I just sneezed. Do I have cancer?

Dreamworx
Dreamworx

A few years back I woke up in the middle of the night with an intense pain in my intestinal area. I called an ambulance thinking it was appendicitis and they took me to the hospital and gave me some sort of injection. Soon after I passed out and I woke up the next morning feeling fine and they sent me home.
Do you have any clue what that could have been?

Lord_Tryzalot
Lord_Tryzalot

@TurtleCat
Sure, go for it. I suggest the Vipertek VTS-989 Heavy Duty Stun Gun 3 times daily for 3 weeks. pic related.

@StonedTime
Probably.

@Dreamworx
No idea. Check your bill.

happy_sad
happy_sad

Please answer seriously.

How do we cure cancer? Leeky Forums has too many.

haveahappyday
haveahappyday

I think I have Goldman-Sachs disease, I just can't stop jewing.

SomethingNew
SomethingNew

You are an attentionfag at this point.

cum2soon
cum2soon

@SomethingNew
lol he's been an attentionwhore since he got triggered about someone obviously fucking around saying he wasn't the "real doctor". It's all downhill from here.

askme
askme

@happy_sad
communist helicopter rides

Bidwell
Bidwell

@SomethingNew
all tripfag/ask me question threads are cancer

Techpill
Techpill

@happy_sad
Short of making me a moderator (because I obviously have nothing better to do in my free time than be on here) I would prescribe increasing the Leeky Forums's daily dosage of original content.

@SomethingNew
Okay. I'd say I'm just bored with a couple beers tbh fam

@Bidwell
I could be posting on pedo threads and spamming kennedi actually yeah I think I'll go do that. peace.

Burnblaze
Burnblaze

@Techpill
haha my life
Solution to cancer: You leave.

TalkBomber
TalkBomber

@Bidwell
How do you spend so much time on Leeky Forums? Aren't you on call as a doctor or are you just a bottom-tier doctor that works in some non-profit facility that accepts medicare/medicaid?

Where do you find the time? I'm a NEET faggot and browse here often and i've noticed that you are here over half of the time.

Shouldn't you be at work?

WebTool
WebTool

t

CouchChiller
CouchChiller

@TalkBomber
I'm only ever at work 8am-4pm Monday through Friday.

ZeroReborn
ZeroReborn

@CouchChiller
So do you work at a non-profit place? Be honest, we won't judge you.

JunkTop
JunkTop

@ZeroReborn
Family Practice Primary Care Physician w/ low patient load.

CodeBuns
CodeBuns

i cant stop jerking off to lil girls

Stupidasole
Stupidasole

@JunkTop
Do people ever call you at the middle of the night and frantically ask you questions about their health when something goes wrong?

Supergrass
Supergrass

doc, the ring and pinky finger on my left hand became numb a month or so after a recent cycling accident and i have been doing the usual excercises associated with a pinched nerve in the elbow. however, i now notice a vague weakness in the left knee when i run upstairs or jump down from somewhere. there is also a numbness in the skin around the knee cap.
do i need pro help with this?
also, i'm very old and have severe arthritis of the cervical spine. this may be related.

Stark_Naked
Stark_Naked

@Stupidasole
Only family. At that point I tell them to either go to the ER if it's an emergency, or to call me in the morning.

@Supergrass
Just do range of motion and strength exercises on the affected joint. If it doesn't get better within a month visit your clinician.

Sir_Gallonhead
Sir_Gallonhead

My foreskin has, my entire life, been too small.

It basically forms a second dickhole. It is large enough to pee and cum through and that's it. I have never seen or felt the tip of my penis or it's dickhole.

I plan to stretch it once I've an income. I do want to know, though, if I'm going to find a deformed infected mess under there. It doesn't itch or hurt or anything and feels fine, through the foreskin. Or if it could get infected still.

Spamalot
Spamalot

@Bidwell
i cant stop farting

Playboyize
Playboyize

@Sir_Gallonhead
That's phimosis, apply gentile retraction to the foreskin frequently. If it doesn't stretch, visit a clinician. You'll probably find a lot of smegma (dead skin cells, and skin oil)

@Spamalot
Sounds shitty.

Burnblaze
Burnblaze

@Playboyize
Why the fuck do so many people on here have phimosis?

AwesomeTucker
AwesomeTucker

@Playboyize
But… But no infection, right?

My tip isn't fucked up? Just filthy?

GoogleCat
GoogleCat

@AwesomeTucker
Sorry, specifically I'm mostly concerned with the fact that at this point it's 18 YEARS of smegma buildup and I'm just wondering if that is just that - smegma - or if it can solidify or somesuch shit

New_Cliche
New_Cliche

I was cleaning my room today and came across some expired mult-vitamins and a bottle of no-doze that expired 9 years ago.
Are they safe to take?
Why do pills have an expiation date?
They look like new

Booteefool
Booteefool

I have a lump on right on my butthole, right near the hole part. It's been there for like a year or two now. It doesn't hurt, and it's soft and squishy like a ballsack with no balls in it. I can't really tell if it's gotten larger, but it may have. It never hurts or bleeds, I've never pooped blood. Nothing noticeably strange is happening except the fact that the lump is there.

Waddis it am I gonna die?

farquit
farquit

@New_Cliche
Yea they are safe, can you do me a favor, crush up one of the pills and snort it, then tell us how good it feels.

cum2soon
cum2soon

@Booteefool
DUDE HOLY SHIT FAM, YER GUNNA DIE!

Bidwell
Bidwell

I regularly fap to traps, my friends on the internet tell me that i'm a faggot but I don't believe them.

However, I enjoy sucking rock hard teen tranny cock and swallowing ever bit of their cum, I am a dedicated cocklover.

Am I a faggot?

Inmate
Inmate

@cum2soon
I'll go

kizzmybutt
kizzmybutt

suck more pharma dick u nigger

have you had sex with any patients or nurse

Raving_Cute
Raving_Cute

@Playboyize
gentile retraction
not jewish cut?

ZeroReborn
ZeroReborn

@Lord_Tryzalot
Thank you kindly. Time to light up the flamer

BunnyJinx
BunnyJinx

@Bidwell
Hey doc,
So sometimes one testicle hurts, sometimes the other one does instead. It's more of an ache than anything.
Should I be worried?

farquit
farquit

@New_Cliche
They may not be as potent, but they wont harm you.

@Booteefool
Stop touching your anus. I'm amazed I have to say this.

@BunnyJinx
Not unless you feel any lumps.

PurpleCharger
PurpleCharger

@Bidwell
My mother died a few hours ago. How long before she begins to decay? I need to keep the meat fresh.

whereismyname
whereismyname

Hello Medfag.

I am from central Texas
I just moved here 1 year ago
I have slept in my contacts for my entire life and never really had a problem.
Sometimes they get a bit dry, or get a spec of dirt and I just take them out and clean them.
about a week ago I woke up and my eyes were glued shut nearly with a thick, yellow mucus.
I immediately went to take my contacts out and my eyes went full dank kush red. like red red. They were very painful for a few days and super light sensitive.
after they seemed to feel ok I put my contacts back in and slept in them and it happened again. been doing this now for a few weeks.

Will I ever be able to wear my contacts?

Is this an infection or allergies?

should I try a new pair of contacts?

please help!

Fried_Sushi
Fried_Sushi

When I was younger I used to try to expand my asshole with larger and larger shampoo bottles. Now I've got anal fissures and hemorrhoids.

Is there any way to fix these while still allowing myself to anally masturbate?

Emberburn
Emberburn

@whereismyname
Doctor 4 here.

R-E-T-A-R-D
A-L-E-R-T

Crazy_Nice
Crazy_Nice

I have a red rash on my thigh underneath my left testicle. It's not particularly big but it itches like crazy. How can I get rid of it?

SomethingNew
SomethingNew

@whereismyname
Careful about that. You can have eye ulcers which can lead to you losing your sight.

Go to a doctor, or better yet be referred to an ophthalmologist.

Stop sleeping with your lenses in. Probably best to give your eyes a rest for a month or two, just wear glasses. Go to the doc anyway. Don't fuck with your eyes.

kizzmybutt
kizzmybutt

How do i commit a painless suicide with limited access to resources?

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

@Bidwell
My testicles shrank to half size 14 months ago.
Overnight more or less, without trauma or pain.
One day fine, the next no libido, extremely fatigued.
Libido hasn't come back. Energy levels improved but not completely.
Seen 7 urologist/andrologists, 3 endocrinologist.
None have diagnosed or provided any treatment.
They are clueless.

Had MRI of pituitary, ecography of scrotum, bladder, kidneys. 5 blood tests. prolactin is slightly raised. most recently, TSH is slightly raised.
Ecography of scrotum showed small varicocele and 2 small spermatoceles.
Doctors claim varicocele is too small to usually cause problems.

Lately, it seems that my testicles are becoming even smaller.

Any ideas?

Evilember
Evilember

I jacked off too hard and now my dick has like a friction burn or some shit is it going to fall off? will i die? am i going to heaven?

Illusionz
Illusionz

I haven't fapped a single time this year. What sort of side effects do I have in store for me for the rest of 2016?
So far I've slowly begun to dream more and feel like I have a lot more energy. I'm also starting to believe that I'm superior to other people.

VisualMaster
VisualMaster

bump

Spazyfool
Spazyfool

@Bidwell
I stepped on glass last month, and it's still in my foot.
The skin has grown over it, but I think it's getting infected since it's inflamed and sore.

What will happen if i just leave it in there?

Crazy_Nice
Crazy_Nice

@Bidwell
how dangerous is taking 1500mg of paracetamol/acetominophen at a time? then maybe do it again in an hour?

also what can i heal my liver with if i stop doing it, i take it for the codeine when i'm too lazy to filter it, should i stop being lazy?

King_Martha
King_Martha

@Bidwell
What's the most effective and least painful way to kill yourself?

farquit
farquit

@Spazyfool
glass in foot for a month
a fuckin month
Damn, that must suck.
I get a splinter at least once a week and sometimes it's just too deep for me to cut or tweeze out and have to live with it for a week or so.
It surrounds the splinter and then it pops right out.
I think a month is a pretty long time to have something like that still in your body but I get wood splinters in my fingers, not glass in foot.

You might be able to pop the glass shard out here soon enough

5mileys
5mileys

Fuck off attention whore.

w8t4u
w8t4u

@farquit
*puss surrounds the splinter

Bidwell
Bidwell

@Spazyfool
i had that when i was a kid it came out eventually but at my age now i'd just cut the skin and dig it out

eGremlin
eGremlin

@farquit
@Bidwell
Thank you. I'll just wait then

Harmless_Venom
Harmless_Venom

Doctor help i have hemmoroids but the problem is not that they are painful. The problem is they feel too good when i touch them. I rube them around and i even get little erect. I am not joking i had them for years but they started to feel good recently.

5mileys
5mileys

@whereismyname
Sounds like pink-eye.

But really, don't sleep with contacts in.

Inmate
Inmate

@whereismyname
you've probably got an allergen on your contact or a bacteria, when you take it out, it heals, then you reintroduce to your eye and it's fucked again, it's probably on your contact, you should heal your eyes then use a new contacts in them or if you can wash contacts (i don't know how they work) try that, wash with something that will kill bacteria

kizzmybutt
kizzmybutt

@whereismyname
Holy shit yes to all. First, you should be replacing your contacts regularly (pic related) and second, you should always take them out to sleep. You're going to permanently fuck your eyes up if you haven't already.

@Crazy_Nice
Anti-bacterial / anti-fungal creams.

@PackManBrainlure
If the specialists are clueless then I wouldn't know.

@Illusionz
Increased testosterone.

@Spazyfool
Cut it open and dig it out, then apply an anti-bacterial; lest you risk systemic infection and/or having your foot cut off.

@Crazy_Nice
The daily limit is 3,000mg. Liver only heals with time, if at all. I hope you're not consuming any alcohol.

@Harmless_Venom
Stop playing with your anus.

Fuzzy_Logic
Fuzzy_Logic

@kizzmybutt

what do you recommend for an old man with failing memory?

Techpill
Techpill

@Fuzzy_Logic
40mg of Noopept daily, the research is coming together and this nootropic is looking promising.

Ignore the autist spam

SniperGod
SniperGod

@kizzmybutt
Shrunken nuts man here.

Specialists don't even try to figure it out. So far they have been useless.
Give it a go.

How can testicles atrophy in such a short time, the best guess I have is that it is blood supply related.
The day before, when I was still normal, I felt a kind of sudden dread feeling and a draining feeling in my head/brain.

Since the same event I have been feeling tired, having almost flatline emotions, no feelings of joy, no great need to piss or shit, nor relief when I do so.
I think that is linked with adrenals.
Which can be linked with hypothalamus, pituitary and thyroid.

TechHater
TechHater

@Fuzzy_Logic
Read into low testosterone.
Can affect mental sharpness.

Eat food that boost testosterone naturally.
Physical exercise regularly for blood flow, and exercise your mind too with puzzles, reading, mind games, lateral thinking exercises.

Deadlyinx
Deadlyinx

@SniperGod
It sounds like a hormone problem. Did they test your T4 (thyroxine) levels?

@TechHater
He could be suffering from a number things honestly; hormone imbalance, steroid use, mumps, HIV, gonorrhea, syphilis, or prostate cancer to name a few.

SniperGod
SniperGod

@Deadlyinx
Yeah, Prostate cancer is what's making this guy lose his memory.
Your are not a fucking doctor, You're just an attention whore, Fuck off.

Spazyfool
Spazyfool

@SniperGod
Cannot into pathophysiology of prostatic carcinogenesis

Stark_Naked
Stark_Naked

@Bidwell
Why do doctors love to finger my asshole?

How often do you finger a patient?

Raving_Cute
Raving_Cute

@Spazyfool
Then what the fuck re you doing tripfagging on Leeky Forums normie?
Go make money at work you jew.

Harmless_Venom
Harmless_Venom

@Raving_Cute
pharmabucks checkem

King_Martha
King_Martha

@Lord_Tryzalot
faggout

happy_sad
happy_sad

@PackManBrainlure
My testicles shrank to half size 14 months ago
Specialist here. In the days leading up to that event have you acquired a Swedish passport?

5mileys
5mileys

@farquit
la spam

Snarelure
Snarelure

@hairygrape
LOOK MOMMY I POSTED IT AGAIN!

Burnblaze
Burnblaze

@hairygrape
The only cancer here is you, Like I didn't notice the green 4cuck user in the OP.

TalkBomber
TalkBomber

@Snarelure
@Burnblaze
Said the spamming faggot

TechHater
TechHater

Nobody on 8/b/ gives a shit about their health, Try 4cuck/b/

StrangeWizard
StrangeWizard

how it started

Supergrass
Supergrass

@StrangeWizard
Taking things out of context like true kike.

Booteefool
Booteefool

@Supergrass
So it's the doc, so what?
Which one do you think would go bananas like this? The guy who can't play with his ass.

Methshot
Methshot

@Booteefool
methinks its a personal problem with the doc
see:
@Evil_kitten
(thread)
@Garbage Can Lid
(doc post)
@BlogWobbles
(Board Volunteer response)

Stupidasole
Stupidasole

You're going on the list, Lexee.

PurpleCharger
PurpleCharger

@Bidwell
Two questions. Do you know any good lawyers in the Chicago area? There were some, let's say, complications regarding the whole Electro-Shock Therapy. Also, what is the most repulsive condition or injury you've personally seen?

SniperWish
SniperWish

@kizzmybutt
is that the daily limit with expected alcohol use? i don't drink alcohol at all for years now

Nude_Bikergirl
Nude_Bikergirl

@SniperWish
Not the doctor but I don't think you're supposed to mix paracetamol with alcohol because it's dangerous and hits harder.

Techpill
Techpill

how do you feel about shitposts

Nojokur
Nojokur

I have an unnatural bone growth under my armpit. Should I get that removed?

Soft_member
Soft_member

@Bidwell
Are chiropractors legit? I went to one the other day because I've been having lower back pain for about a year but it seemed a little bit like snake oil.

Disable your ad blocker to access the content

Disable your ad blocker to access the content